No idea where I'm going... Mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.............

Lately I'm feeling a lil crazy.. Not really sure why, feeling high at times, feeling low at times, as if I'm being drugged by my hormones. Finished exams ages ago, had 2 exams on the 1st of Nov (Organisation and Management, Marketing), 4th of Nov - Psychology as a Natural Science and 7th of Nov - Finance. Finance = last and final paper for Semester 2. Not really sure how did I do for my Finance, but I can just hope for the best. Hopefully, I'll be getting at least 3 As or 2As for those 4 papers.


Just started my 3rd Semester 2005 last Monday. Tired man......... Only had 1 week of holidays and Uni started again. Wonder... Took 2 papers for summer school: Introduction to Business Law and Introduction to Business Communication. Business Law is tough man as in TOUGH. That lecturer of mine is really sarcastic. He told us to answer his questions. However, after answering him, he rudely said that's not the valid answer. When I correctly answered him, he never even tell me that I'm right till I 'accidently' repeated the same answer. Weird but true. My communication lecturer is completely opposite from him. He's a great guy with great personality. He used to teach music the instruments that he play is Violin and Cello. Hmm... Not bad. He started the first lecture by asking who's from China, Europe, Uk, Australia and etc... Guess what? I'm the only Malaysian in the lecture room of 100 + students. What's surprising was he said 'selamat datang' to me. I answered him with terima kasih and he said sama-sama. (A shock to me as well). Later, he asked where about in Malaysia am I from.. I told him KL - Kuala Lumpur. He replied saying beautiful city. =) Hmmm.. then he went on asking about others who's from Figi (only 1 as well) and etc etc etc. He left out South Africa though.


Today's lecture was about format and content and active listening.  Quite interesting... he showed the 'listen' chinese character and said we've got to use our heart, concentration, mind, and eyes to listen. What's so amazing was he told us we listen by using our eyes. =) Maybe it's the communication from our eyes? or? =) After 2 hours of lecture, I went to him and asked him a question concerning any institution or music education centre that were available in New Zealand.
Nevertheless, he told me there are only one in the entire of NZ, which is the Music Education Centre in Glenfield. Well... Gona have my interview on the 26th of Nov over there, so no worries. =)


I love him very much. A lot a lot a lot. Undescribable. Maybe he has put up with my temper for quite a while.. Well, can't blame me at times because of my PMS and those irritating pests irritating me while my hormones are imbalance? No idea...... Well, we've came that far, and I don't think I'm suppsed to say 'quit' whenever I feel like it. I shouldn't be so selfish. True. He's afterall the person I loved most. He told me that although he's busy, but I'm always on his mind and he told me that I've got to believe him. Well, I understand now. Yes, I do. I didn't get it at first, but I got it at last. I've been moaning 'bout that because of the lack of security that whether he'd actually cared about me.  But the true matter of fact is he always did. *hugz* U my love.


Haven't been replying any of my e-mails for ages.. Have heaps of things to catch up on and do.. Mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.................. I'd better type it down in case I've completely forgotten about them.


- Finish my music research by tomorrow (which is today since it's now midnight)
- Practise piano (again and again and again.......)
- Water my plants (splish splash splosh splush)
- Phone Rachel for piano practise
- Remember to buy a phone card to phone Gor in Singapore for his belated bday
- Reply my e-mails and messages on friendster and yahoo



I think it's enough for tomorrow.. I might not be able to finish all of them at once.. But yeah, at least I've to try my best aye? Kind of miss the good ol' days where everything is carefree.. I've to grow up fast though due to circumstances. What to do eh? At least I've found someone now.. Who's actually really there for me ------ Mark.


Got to sleep now.. My body can't stand it. Been really tired lately. Have been working hard this couple of days. What to do...... No idea. At least I'm able to Zzzz longer hours compared to yesterday (overslept till I sorta miss my bus to  Business Law's lecture). Nway, nightzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


Pls: Dearest to me = Bang Azlan, gor, bro, Gina & Vin, Mark, Sam? , Jimmy, hmm can't think of anymore right now.. but yeah including friends and those I met in life.

Been sick this whole week... (shrugs..) Cause someone spreaded their "germs" to me when I'm working on Saturday. Hope it won't get worst cause..haiz.. Going to my school ball on Mon. Pretty stressful week for me and lot's of things happened.

Monday, 28th of June 2004
-- Got back my results for my 1st solo performance at school. 2 Excellences and 1 Merit. Haiz... I am THIS CLOSE.. Very Very close to getting an excellence for my J.S.Bach pieces. Took me months to practice them, since November 2003. Worked hard for it, but life's always unfair. Just have to accept it. He marked me really strict, and I really really did worked hard for it. No use complaining though. Coming Term 3 performances, ++ going to play that J.S.Bach pieces again for re-assessment. Going to work harder..

Angela and Anna Choi gave Mr. Nortje a Batton ( for orchestra) and a birthday card for his birthday. ( representing the whole class ) He wrote a thank you note to us on the white board just to say thank you for the birthday gifts. :)


Tuesday, 29th of June 2004.
-- When to the auditorium for that school production practices. Got praises from teachers that we actually worked well. Stayed back till about 6:30pm that day. Wonder how am I going to stand next term cause I'll be staying back till 9:30pm.


Wednesday, 30th June 2004
-- SUpposed to go to my parents teachers meeting day but ffk all of my teacher (5 of them)which is "fong fei kei" and the next day.. Mr Jaffrey said something like :" Oh Mei, I won't kill u, but I will SHOOT u." Mr Mac Donald "oh yeah, waited for a couple of minutes, thought u're coming back went to asked one of ur teacher." Most probably it's Mr Jaffrey if I'm not wrong. Mr Nortje , Miss Barbour seemed pretty normal bout it. But, Miss Barbour waited a couple more min... haiz... Mr Nortje seemed pretty upset bout it though. Saw Mr Pinchen this morning, nearly Whacked me with his file.. " Where are u last evening?" Oppsssss... Have a reason to all of these mumbo jumbos though.

Some online friend's friend commited suicide, and I'm thinking of some solution (or at least if he agrees) to solve his case. Unfortunately, I don't think so. With his "negative" attitude, as if there's no hope in this world and everything is useless. When his friend died, he told me it's not much big deal. CMMON, that's ur friend. He died and u said it doesn't matter much just because he owe some along 300k? Heh... and he commited suicide, wonder why is it so corrupted in Malaysia. But surely there's a way.. haiz.. Don't wanna talk about it, it's quite depressing, cancelled him from my list cause there's a reason to it. (Don't feel like talking)

Thursday, 1st of July 2004
-- Not a good day for me today. Angry cause bla bla. Ran bare footed to Long Bay Beach at 8pm at night in 10 degrees celcius. At least I'm calmer after I've been there. Spoilt a switch. Haiz.... Shouldn't though. Need to control my temper at times. Nearly ruin the computer, but lucky it's still functioning. Been really tired at the production practice today cause felt REALLY sick today.

Friday, 2nd of July 2004.
-- Better be buying Jacky his birthday gift. Haiz, didn't get one for Katherine when she went back to HK. Don't really know why are all of my friends going back.. aikz.. Juliana's going bakc to Brazil and Ariane is going back to Germany this coming Monday which is on the 5th of July. Not really close to Juliana, just got to know her last week or so??? And She's already flying back to Brazil. BUt Ariane, hmm.. She's a really nice girl, used to joke with her + Shane Brown. Haha.. Shane (teasigly) "U always looked like a kindergarden teacher with those glasses on ++ those smile.." LOLZ Will miss her heaps, told me that she's coming back to NZ again.. :) Look forward... Sze May going back to Shah Alam, Malaysia again for hols. Do wonder why I can't go back every term break. Can't compare though, cause everyone's diff.

Don't have piano lessons tomorrow, will be working, then going to the library to do some reseach on my assignment. Haven't been touching it for ages. Daniel phoned today, blurr blurr hehe...and Thomas Chin from Kiwi Ora called to. He kept chasing me to finish off my assessment thingy but haven't been doing them for ages. About banking system and bla bla investment and bla bla bussiness thingy. Lucky Mrs Mc Cormatt didn't ask me to hand in my English draft copy of transactional writing today. Cause I know I won't be able to finish in time. 800 words and only 4 grammar mistakes is allowed. Don't really know how am I to survive the English. Calculus Test today.... got 4 2Q wrong +some minor mistakes. Aikz..careless mistakes... Nvm nvm nvm..

Better be writing a letter to Eugene. Hmm..gave him 1 more chance. He better reply, if not..hmm.... will plan about it later on. Friendster got hacked. Wonder who's my crazy hacker who's been hacking every part of my PC for 2 years +. Must be some crazy psycho who's so free to disturb others with their daily lives. Slept bout 3 hours today. Felt so sick. *Yawn*, it's 4am now, ... better be going, gotta wake up early at 8am.


Pls : Chemistry test on Organic ( The whole chapter ) Next Tuesday Period 1.
Have to get at least half of achieve, if not then need to resit it again during lunch time.
= need to study all of it.. don't like organic..heh....

Monday, 21th of June 2004 - John called up to tell me that he won't be able to go to the school prom cause his relatives from HK is coming over to NZ to stay. He'll be joining his relatives to Rotorua for hols. In Ho Kim came over for group performance.

Tuesday, 22th of June 2004- Donated 505 cc of blood. Took me only 4 minuted to load up that much blood. (Others take about at least 10 minutes for the complete transfusion to take place) The lady from Hk was very kind towards me.. Told me heaps of important tips..lolz Felt a lil dizzy after donating my blood, but I'm alright afterthat. (at least didn't faint or anything, ++ first time donating my blood AB+ )

Wednesday, 23rd of June 2004- Can't remember what did I do on Wednesday..

Thursday, 24th of June 2004 - Phoned Eugene.. At last...no more $ in my hp, need to top up soon. Told me that everything will work out, ( I hope so ) and I'll just give him another chance. Taught Jen how to paint cause 3 of them fighting over there ( 3 brothers.. Headache ..) Jen wanna paint but Fei Tatt don't wanna let him. So.. brought out my painting set just for him to paint. Refund my other ticket ( didn't know that till Marita Saayman told me bout it during form class ). Told me to come back during lunch time tomorrow to collect my resit. Calculus teacher told me that there's test on the last week of school... (What la.. aikz... about complex numbers... i and 3-8i and etc etc) Nearly got Merit for Biology practice test on Genetics. Aikz.. Missed Merit by 1 mark. Will work harder during the holidays. Dahrija told me that she don't really wanna do the violin + piano group performance with me cause she wanna concentrate more on her double bass instead of violin instead. A lil angry bout it cause she told me that she wanted me to do the group performance with her, and she didn't keep her promises. I practised more than half of them, and my part is REALLY hard compared to hers.

Friday, 25th of June 2004 - Slept bout 3 hours today cause been so tired this few months. Gotta ask her for how much I'll be paid per hour. If she told me the same thing as usual eg. It depends on how much u are worth, I'm definitely gonna quit that job. Not a good job environment to be in. A lil sad cause Katherine's going back to HK, won't be back till about 3/4 years time. Haiz... gave her a hug, supposed to give her a present, but always forgotten. Not sure whether Abby will go to her house 2morrow, but if she's going, will drop by to pass her Katherine's present. Collected my check from the cashier, but the lady told me that she didn't have my resit ( HUH ??) Anywayz, I've prove if they asked me to show my resits for the ball tickets. AUT Liason visit today.. Told us more about the Campus + Accomodation at AUT. BUt didn't have any Music. Jeff +Abby went for dancing classes for the ball. Katrina Duncan called today, asked me to go to church practice cause Pam was unable to attend her practice. I told her I won't be able to attend the church practise cause will be working + having piano lessons on Saturday. Egg made me angry.


- Need to get at least 18 Excellence to get into uni, cause high competition.
- Try that honky tonky music for school production ( finished practicing by Monday )
- Asked her about how much I'll be paid an hour
- Write a letter to Eugene
- Read a few pages of Eng story book / newspaper to improve my eng
- Don't give up on Physics
- Tell Mrs Hungerford about my piano performance results ( Need to ask Mr. Nortje about my results first )
- Pass my transactional writing
- Cut out at least 2/3 articles from the newspaper for transactional writing.
- If Abby's going to Katherine's house, pass Abby her present.
- Study for my Calculus test ( complex numbers )
- GOing to AUT / Auckland University / Massey University.
- Go to the library ++ work on my musical knowledge on how the piano is developed.
- Work on my 2 piano pieces for term 3, second performance
- Write a summary for the whole Othello Play by Shakespeare
- Finish my Calculus assignment
- Pastor told me to read the Bible from :-
- Mark , Matthew or John (they're somehow closely related?)
- Acts
- Romans ?? ( If I'm not wrong??)
- Lastly Isaiah
- Finish practicing the whole 60 pages of pieces for the music production

That's basicly all the things that need to be done. Better be going..

Blurr case.. what date is today?? 10th of June. Hmm... Busy day for me, practised for the school productions till 6:30pm today, later went to the bible studies at 7:30, after eating my dinner, and came back about 10:45pm. Went online till now, around 1:10am. Cause trying to solve some of the mistique stuff about mua. haha.. na.. it's alright, will think about it later on when I'm free.

Things that need to be done:
1 Pack my room
2 study the keyboard manual given to me by Mr Nortje by this mOnday
3 Take the 2 keyboards back to practise on them and try on diff sounds system for school productions
4 finished practising for my school productions
5 TESTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IMPORTANT
Tue - Calculus
Wed - Biology
Thurs- Physics
Crazy... it's always test test test... and the worst part's they always have test in the same week
6 finish my 3 movements for the Haydyn Sonata
7 MUST get Excellence for that cacated JS Bach Italian Concerto IMPORTANT
8 Read through the whole school production score
9 MUST Finish reading the organic part in chemistry IMPORTANT
10 Finish reading the 40 days of purpose book IMPORTANT
11 Read at least 20?30? or even lesser?? pages a day

Haiz.. mananged to get 2 excellence out of 3, the Bach concerto got Merit. Gonna resit them next term I guess, but Must get excellence for the other one. Sad case man. But it's alright though. At least I get to resit them, no worries.

Oh yeah, Sam + Nick's going to the airport to fetch me on 17th of Sept. HOOOrrraaaayyyyy!!!Can party later on, if I've got enough energy :) Haven't been writing for ages man.. Anywayz, told them it's alright bout it, but haiz... Nvm, just intro them to my dad + relatives by then. Haiz, can't wait to see them, haven't been back since Dec 2002. Guess i need to catch up with them by then.

Need to improve my ENg. Bla bla description of bla bla bla, don't like creative writings at all. Headache... Hmm... oh yeah, went to Mick's house last Sunday. Enjoyed myself :) Haven't been seeing them for ages.. Hahaha... last 6th of June 2004. Hmm... so much things... all happening at once, can't remember what to write down.

Oh yeah.. Je Yon's driving test... tomorrow... hmm... gotta pray for him tonight + gor + sam too. Hmm... what to do next again?? Let me think....
( slot in -playing my violin-piano group performance with Darija, everyday in school )

Mon - group performance with In Ho Kim, Piano duo
Tue - School productions till 6:30pm
Wed - rest ??
Thurs - School productions till 6:30pm / Bible study from 7:30pm - ???
Fri - Rest???
Sat - Church practise / piano lessons
Sun - church servise 10:30am / pastor's class

who I'm going to meet in Msia :
Best friends close friends relatives, friends in Klang, SMKDU, Katholik High school, relatives in KL, JB, TTDI, Sg, Muar, SMKDJ, gor, and hmm.. can't think of anyone at the moment..

Anywayz, gotta Zz... 1:35am.. aikz... hope my plans will work well..Dear Lord, Thank you Lord for answering my prayer ( and helping Sam + gor with his difficulties ), I've a wonderful day today even though it's very tiring. Pls guide me towards where u wanted me to go Lord. Thank you Lord, in Jesus name we pray, Amen.

Hmm... still left 5 more things on my list which i haven't actually finish doing.. haiz.. and heaps of work loads coming up again.

Things that need to be done:
1 Return job application form (find a part-time job)
2 Telephone Eugene
3 Write a letter to Jacky, Sook Wan (Reply her letter), Triple, 2 other pen-pals (Aikz... been ages man.. )
4 Find a really really really belated gift for Daniel (mati, since April )
5 BIology Test
6 Consider getting baptist ( this coming Sun, 2 weeks from now )
7 Find 2/3 , preferable 3 pieces of music for the bass clarinet, clarinet and piano for the annual meeting in the church.
8 Need to make some plans to practise together as a group. ( the bass clarinet and stuff )
9 Look for pieces for the group thingy.
10 Ask Ms Hungerford about me + Darija playing the violin - piano group performance in Term 3. ( don't know, but I don't really think so for me, don't like to rush things through )
11 NEED TO PRACTISE EVERYDAY AT SCHOOL FOR PERFORMANCE ASSESSMENT THIS THURSDAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think that's it...At the moment only be able to think of this stuff to type down, if there's more to come I'll just type them in. Hmm.. oh yeah, Chatted online with Jacky for such a long time liao. Haven't been talking / chatting to him since last month or so? Can't remember though. Aikz... can't go back in December which means I won't be able to see him in person. Cause when I'm in Msia on 17th of Sep, or around there, he's having trial exams with all of my friends.. so ... u know... aikz.... won't be able to meet up. What a waste, been having him as my pen-pal for around 6 years already.

I think I made him a lil sad though, it's ok... Then, Joel send me lot's of video clips. Shiok !! Very funny clips lolz Hehehee... from his friend's computer. Hmm... can't remember that Eric who's from ??? Can't really remember who is he though. Send me an e-mail.. Hehe... Memory fading away... aikz..... ( need to reply ... remember )

Today at music.. worst case man.. Not used to the piano, and teacher even asked me whether do I have added the dynamics into my piece. Haiz... What did u expect, i've been practising the same song for about 6 months, a lil insulting I guess for me cause no one knew how hard I worked on that pieces. it's alrite, just continue working on it, it's till Thursday... though...

Some band from Wellington, named Strike , came to our school today. Their performance was SO COOL man. :) It's all about percussions, cook island drums, south-african drums, and etc etc. Missed Physics during period 2 cause wanna watch them. Once in a life time type of performance. They only charged us about $3 per person, while if u watch them live in Auckland, it'll cost u about $23 per person. Well, their drumming is super CHUN. There's3 guys who's performing, and it's establish by Gareth Farr, a New Zealander composer. Didn't thought that he'd established it anyway. Oh yeah... there's Eric, Tim, and another guy. Can't remember though. :)

Oh yeah, gave Ms. Norrie my letter. Asked her whether should I buy 1 ticket or 2 and she told me to buy 2 instead. Which means she'll definitely approve my request even though she haven't even read my letter yet. Hehehehe... surprised, but true, went there to check whether I need to pay for my school fees, ended up that I don't have to. lolz Anywayz, it's alrite .......... Hehehhee.... kz kz ...

Type lot's now...feeling tired, will continue tomorrow or something.

Miss ya Sam + gor :))
God will always be in my heart :)

Yesterday.. slept at about 4am, cause trying to finished transfering all my contacts from one e-mail to the other e-mail. Then, arranged all the plates and pans in the cupboard and shower just before I went to bed.

Woke up really late today though.. hmm.. and most of the deliveries from Malaysia arrived today, about 11 box of pacels. Packed most of them today, oh yeah.. needed to remember to ask John about that school prom thingy. Need to ask him cause Abygail have Jeff to be her partner. Me ? lefted alone.. Haha.. nevermind. It doesn't really matter though. Cause Sam will be coming to Nz at the end of this year.

One of the sad part of not being able to go back in December is I won't be able to go to my high school's ball, and my other cousin's wedding.. haiz... Anywayz, I think I'm gonna miss about 2 of my cousin's wedding though.. It's alrite..

Chatted to most of my ol' friends from Malaysia. Weird thingy, but after about 3 years, that Mun Onn suddenly messaged me. Hmm... went off after Form 1 to some other SMenengah. Bet that he'd changed into those "kau lui" type but that's how life move on. If he doesn't wanna get moving and stop being so crazy, that's not our problem cause we've tried our best I guess. It's his own destiny though.

Chatted with Nick Chan yesterday too. He... hmm... have a new gf who's about 2 years younger than her in Singapore. Asked him how he met her, told me that he met her when she went to Singapore for holidays. Don't know how it happened, but I'm really happy for him, cause he's quite a nice friend of mine.

I've mixed feelings of what happened yesterday. Part of me is Happy for Nick, and part of me is sad because of what Sam had gone through life in just a couple of months. He'd treated 3 gals he admirer with love, but they only treated him as a brother / teddy bear. I don't really know what to say.. but actually want to tell him not to go too far out though. I'm not sure what's happening over there, cause I'm not there to witness what's happening and everything that's going on. Hmm...... but it's alright. Experience can teach us good lessons though. :)

Don't actually know what happened to Joel, but it seemed to me that his band in CHS is not going that well at all. Just pray hard for him and hope for the best. Today, tried on my contact lenses, hard to put on, first time.. hehe... but quite ok at last though. A lil not used to it cause always thought that I'm still wearing specs. lolz

Chatted with gor... very very long... guess that both of us are always very soft-hearted kind of people. But gor is even more soft hearted than me. I hope no one would ever take advantage of him again, cause it really hurts me when someone cheated him a large amount of $ and ran away with it. Hmm... what to do... what bla comp rules, ltd a private sector company. My panda gor gor.. lol He really touched my heart when he said he wanted to be my gor gor forever.. sincerely... lolz

Oh yeah... met some people online who's very nice..Hmm... I don't really know what to say, but guess he's a nice person though. He seemed very confused about life, and I understand.. Hmm... Not sure whether he'll buy the book I've recomended him.. Anywayz, I'll pray for him, gor, Deanish, Sam, and Joel. Deanish.. his band, there's somethng wrong with it. cause some of his members were slacking off, and not really serious about the band. aikz.... and I hope he'll come up with a solution..

anywayz, will type more next time, it's about 1am now.. gotta Zzz... can't stand it, so much things to do in such a short period of time. Anywayz, tired, Zzzzzzzzz.....

Hmm.....Went out around 8:15am, and came back around 10:45pm. Don't really know ... School --> School production --> church meeting --> home sweet home

I putted on weight, I think it's around 2/3 kgs. Need to do sit ups 30 -50 times a day. Can't afford to grow fatter and fatter.. U know.. Anywayz, most probably will be going back around September something something.. sorry, can't remember..

Weird, but true. :P Whenever I felt sad, Sam will always SMS me. lolz Glad to have such a good friend like him, who understands me a lot. I know it's a little hard for him, but I believe that he will never betray me. Sometimes I question myself what is all this about? Why am I working so hard for? What IS the point?? Because when we died, we couldn't take anything with us accept ourself, which is our body. Well... kept reminding myself that I worked hard for God, and afterthat everything just seemed worth while....

Watched finished that Modern version of "Othello" by Shakespeare. It's a modern version, a very very very sad ending, where everyone died, and the other survival went to jail. Now we're watching the other version of "Othello" again, the so called "old" version, but were produced in 1992. Aikz... all sad endings.. Nearly cried during the first movie.. the sad endings.. it's alright though. Taught us a lesson, Not to trust One too much unless u really trust him. :)

Mr Nortje and Mrs Peak lend me their School Production's CD, which is "How the West was Warped" and need to return them on Monday. Oh yeah... THings that I need to do:

1 Listen to the CD.
2 Get an invoice from the college's office for my school fees
3 write a letter to Mrs Norrie, the principle of the college concerning asking outsiders to come to the ball
4 ask John to come to the ball
5 slim down that extra 2 /3 kgs
6 Physics Test tomorrow, concerning SHM. - Simple Harmonic Motion *** Important
7 Return job application forms
8 Practise my piano duo
9 School work!!!!!!!
10 Telephone Eugene, telling him about something (kacau betul)

Tired.. about 1am now.. will write more next time .. :)